Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Never assume you can make it alone
I love to help others. It makes me feel great. I never look at it as those people are needy or annoying or lazy. So why is it so hard for me to accept help from others without feeling like Im needy, annoying, or lazy?
In the LDS monthly magazine, The Ensign from May 2004 Gordon B. Hinckley said: "Never assume that you can make it alone. You need the help of the Lord. Never hesitate to get on your knees in some private place and speak with Him."
I loved this quote because it also applies to those around us too. No matter what your situation is we all need help at some point or another. We should be lifting others up and helping them when they need help because that is the right thing to do. It may be something simple by getting their mail and walking it to their door, making them a meal, shoveling a driveway, simply asking how their day is and really care and listen to them. There are so many ways we can serve those around us but its also important to allow others to serve us. It can be hard but when we serve others we feel good so why would we want to deny someone else the good feelings of serving others? This is something I will have to work on because I am the suffer alone and then paint on a perfect smile in public so that I appear to have it all together when in reality I want to sit in my closet with chocolate, no bra, messy hair, and the lights off in silence and cry because that for some reason helps. CRAZY?!?!?!?!?! I know. Instead if I just allowed someone to see me cry and listen to me or allow someone to help me with my kids then maybe I wouldnt have to resort to such crazy insane ways of coping alone. I need to make my prayers more meaningful and ask for specific things so that Heavenly Father knows what I need and can bless me with someone or something that will help.
I am not alone! Neither are you! Lets all try to serve those around us in one way or another and allow others to serve us. What a better place this world would be if we all did one act of service each day for someone.
In the LDS monthly magazine, The Ensign from May 2004 Gordon B. Hinckley said: "Never assume that you can make it alone. You need the help of the Lord. Never hesitate to get on your knees in some private place and speak with Him."
I loved this quote because it also applies to those around us too. No matter what your situation is we all need help at some point or another. We should be lifting others up and helping them when they need help because that is the right thing to do. It may be something simple by getting their mail and walking it to their door, making them a meal, shoveling a driveway, simply asking how their day is and really care and listen to them. There are so many ways we can serve those around us but its also important to allow others to serve us. It can be hard but when we serve others we feel good so why would we want to deny someone else the good feelings of serving others? This is something I will have to work on because I am the suffer alone and then paint on a perfect smile in public so that I appear to have it all together when in reality I want to sit in my closet with chocolate, no bra, messy hair, and the lights off in silence and cry because that for some reason helps. CRAZY?!?!?!?!?! I know. Instead if I just allowed someone to see me cry and listen to me or allow someone to help me with my kids then maybe I wouldnt have to resort to such crazy insane ways of coping alone. I need to make my prayers more meaningful and ask for specific things so that Heavenly Father knows what I need and can bless me with someone or something that will help.
I am not alone! Neither are you! Lets all try to serve those around us in one way or another and allow others to serve us. What a better place this world would be if we all did one act of service each day for someone.
Areas of Focus
I decided that I needed to refocus some of what I focus on and this deployment was the perfect time to get these areas listed and defined so that I can get started on them. This is a new year/deployment idea I had and so I am going to work on this for 2017.
There are 5 areas that I need to focus on:
1. BE PRESENT
-turn off the tv
-put the phone away
-make family #1 priority
This should be a given but with technology today I have found myself tied to my phone or putting something off for a tv series I am interested in. Instead I will put my family 1st, where they should be. I will still watch what I want on tv its just a matter of when and how much time. With my phone, I will always have by my side because my husband is deployed so good luck getting that away from me. The refocus here will be what I am doing with my phone. Am I playing games, over concerned with facebook, window shopping, and all those other good ideas but take time away from what matters most? I will just spend less time doing those things while my kids are awake. That way my kids see that technology is good but that my time with them matters more to me. I want to be in the moment. My phone is great to take pictures too so that dh doesnt miss out on so much! See technology isn't all bad!
2. BE CONSISTENT
-Follow Through
-Stand Strong
-Be Incharge
My kids are demanding, strong willed, determined, and just absolutely adorable little demons....I mean Angels. To keep my sanity I need to have a plan. I need to be better with my follow through. For example, Noah gets on my nerves for huffing and puffing (he's 15 and thinks I am just the dumbest person on the planet). I tell him, "you huff at me one more time I will take away your xbox". I then need to make sure that instead of just spewing out random threats I need to make sure that if I say that is what I am going to that I actually do it. Kind of like "if you do that one more time you are going in timeout". I say this about 20 times a day and then realize at the end of the day I have threatened this but my kids never went into time out at all. This is where standing strong and being incharge come into play as well. I will be strong, show them Im in charge, and follow through with punishments but I also need to follow through with achievements as well.
3. LISTEN CAREFULLY
-have one on one conversations with each child
-give undivided attention
With any family these are important. Each child is different and deserves to be heard. All 3 of my kids are crazy in their own little ways. I want to focus my time on them and let them know they are important to me. I have been blessed to be there mother and I need to make sure that I enjoy my journey as their mother but that they enjoy their journey as my child. I want them to share with me how their day was. Noah and I have always been very close and talk about almost everything. I love when he comes home from school and tells me about what he did with his friends, or a cool project he is working on in seminary, or just what he ate for lunch. I need to make sure that if it is important to them that it is important to me. Noah sometimes comes home to tell me about what he wants to watch on youtube for his favorite BMXer. I need to suck it up (because I really dont understand half of what he is telling me) and really listen to him because its important to him. Same goes for my girls. They are all in such different parts of life and have so much to share and I need to make sure to clean out my ears and listen to them. Not just hear what they say but really listen, engage, and enjoy the moments that they want to talk to me.
4. SPEAK SOFTER
-do not raise voice
-stay calm
-speak kindly
This is one that will be hard for me. My kids sometimes dont hear me unless I scream it sometimes. I am going to read a book called how to raise kids without yelling or something like that. I also plan on reading a book called raising a strong willed child (cough cough KAITLYN cough cough). I sometimes over react to things that really are not that big of a deal. Instead of overreacting I want to make sure that I am losing it over things that really deserve it. When its not that big of a deal I want to change it into a learning moment where I can teach my kids but in a calm manner. I look at it like this....When I was in 3rd grade I remember learning times tables. I struggled with some of the higher numbers for awhile and we had timed tests all the time. Did my teacher Miss Galyen come over and yell at me for missing some? Even after the studying we did as a class and on our own? Even after she helped me after school and then let me take the test again? No, she didnt. Instead she spoke softly to me with love and encouragement. Isnt that how we should be speaking to our children? This is going to be one that I work on all my life because I am a loud person and lack patience. I don't want my kids growing up saying that their mom yelled at them all the time. I want them to grow up and say, My mom sure did love me and she taught me a lot.
LASTLY......
5. WELCOME CHANGE
-make the best of this move
-make new friends
-learn and grow (physically and spiritually)
This deployment is not the only change we have had. We also made the decision to move to Utah before the deployment so that we could be near family (my youngest brother and his wife and 2 kids live here) and so that we could get established here so when dh gets back from deployment he can get out of the Army and just jump into our life here in Utah. We have been here a month now and should be closing on our house any day now. It has been stressful but its going to be amazing once we finally move in. Our view of Utah lake from our house is freakin amazing. I love being so close to family, the mountains, and to finally feel like we are HOME. Something we havent felt in a while since we have been moving all over. I want to make friends. I am blessed to have a few friends here already that we made when we were here while dh was in school and the ROTC program at BYU. I will be getting together with my best friend Sarah Banks this weekend. She is the reason I was able to make it through dh being in school. We were there together the entire 3 years while her dh was in law school. We have remained friends but I look forward to doing things with her rather than an occasional family update through message or phone call. I have made a new friend already Berta. She is a woman I met on our new neighborhood facebook page who is watching our dog Rosco and cat Jazzy until we close on our house. She has been amazing. Her family has fallen in love with our fur babies and has been treating them like their own which is a huge relief. We went over to visit a few days ago. I was having a hard time and ended bursting into tears as soon as she opened the door. Instead of thinking (this chick is nuts) she gave me a hug and told me it was okay. She listened to me. She encouraged me. She got me laughing. She is amazing. God put her in my path because he knew I needed someone like her as a friend. Im glad we will live in the same neighborhood so that we can be close friends. We went to our new ward (church group) and were welcomed with HUGE open arms. Everyone was so kind and friendly. Noah was swarmed by young men welcoming him and taking him to Sunday School class. He then had his 1st activity at the indoor trampoline place yesterday and LOVED it. He had the best time and came home telling me all about it. It totally melted my heart to see young kids being so kind and friendly to my son. We seriously made the best decision to move back here.
Anyway, those are my 5 areas of focus and thoughts on them! I know it will be a constant work in progress with all of these but at least I have a plan in place and an idea of what I need to work on.
There are 5 areas that I need to focus on:
1. BE PRESENT
-turn off the tv
-put the phone away
-make family #1 priority
This should be a given but with technology today I have found myself tied to my phone or putting something off for a tv series I am interested in. Instead I will put my family 1st, where they should be. I will still watch what I want on tv its just a matter of when and how much time. With my phone, I will always have by my side because my husband is deployed so good luck getting that away from me. The refocus here will be what I am doing with my phone. Am I playing games, over concerned with facebook, window shopping, and all those other good ideas but take time away from what matters most? I will just spend less time doing those things while my kids are awake. That way my kids see that technology is good but that my time with them matters more to me. I want to be in the moment. My phone is great to take pictures too so that dh doesnt miss out on so much! See technology isn't all bad!
2. BE CONSISTENT
-Follow Through
-Stand Strong
-Be Incharge
My kids are demanding, strong willed, determined, and just absolutely adorable little demons....I mean Angels. To keep my sanity I need to have a plan. I need to be better with my follow through. For example, Noah gets on my nerves for huffing and puffing (he's 15 and thinks I am just the dumbest person on the planet). I tell him, "you huff at me one more time I will take away your xbox". I then need to make sure that instead of just spewing out random threats I need to make sure that if I say that is what I am going to that I actually do it. Kind of like "if you do that one more time you are going in timeout". I say this about 20 times a day and then realize at the end of the day I have threatened this but my kids never went into time out at all. This is where standing strong and being incharge come into play as well. I will be strong, show them Im in charge, and follow through with punishments but I also need to follow through with achievements as well.
3. LISTEN CAREFULLY
-have one on one conversations with each child
-give undivided attention
With any family these are important. Each child is different and deserves to be heard. All 3 of my kids are crazy in their own little ways. I want to focus my time on them and let them know they are important to me. I have been blessed to be there mother and I need to make sure that I enjoy my journey as their mother but that they enjoy their journey as my child. I want them to share with me how their day was. Noah and I have always been very close and talk about almost everything. I love when he comes home from school and tells me about what he did with his friends, or a cool project he is working on in seminary, or just what he ate for lunch. I need to make sure that if it is important to them that it is important to me. Noah sometimes comes home to tell me about what he wants to watch on youtube for his favorite BMXer. I need to suck it up (because I really dont understand half of what he is telling me) and really listen to him because its important to him. Same goes for my girls. They are all in such different parts of life and have so much to share and I need to make sure to clean out my ears and listen to them. Not just hear what they say but really listen, engage, and enjoy the moments that they want to talk to me.
4. SPEAK SOFTER
-do not raise voice
-stay calm
-speak kindly
This is one that will be hard for me. My kids sometimes dont hear me unless I scream it sometimes. I am going to read a book called how to raise kids without yelling or something like that. I also plan on reading a book called raising a strong willed child (cough cough KAITLYN cough cough). I sometimes over react to things that really are not that big of a deal. Instead of overreacting I want to make sure that I am losing it over things that really deserve it. When its not that big of a deal I want to change it into a learning moment where I can teach my kids but in a calm manner. I look at it like this....When I was in 3rd grade I remember learning times tables. I struggled with some of the higher numbers for awhile and we had timed tests all the time. Did my teacher Miss Galyen come over and yell at me for missing some? Even after the studying we did as a class and on our own? Even after she helped me after school and then let me take the test again? No, she didnt. Instead she spoke softly to me with love and encouragement. Isnt that how we should be speaking to our children? This is going to be one that I work on all my life because I am a loud person and lack patience. I don't want my kids growing up saying that their mom yelled at them all the time. I want them to grow up and say, My mom sure did love me and she taught me a lot.
LASTLY......
5. WELCOME CHANGE
-make the best of this move
-make new friends
-learn and grow (physically and spiritually)
This deployment is not the only change we have had. We also made the decision to move to Utah before the deployment so that we could be near family (my youngest brother and his wife and 2 kids live here) and so that we could get established here so when dh gets back from deployment he can get out of the Army and just jump into our life here in Utah. We have been here a month now and should be closing on our house any day now. It has been stressful but its going to be amazing once we finally move in. Our view of Utah lake from our house is freakin amazing. I love being so close to family, the mountains, and to finally feel like we are HOME. Something we havent felt in a while since we have been moving all over. I want to make friends. I am blessed to have a few friends here already that we made when we were here while dh was in school and the ROTC program at BYU. I will be getting together with my best friend Sarah Banks this weekend. She is the reason I was able to make it through dh being in school. We were there together the entire 3 years while her dh was in law school. We have remained friends but I look forward to doing things with her rather than an occasional family update through message or phone call. I have made a new friend already Berta. She is a woman I met on our new neighborhood facebook page who is watching our dog Rosco and cat Jazzy until we close on our house. She has been amazing. Her family has fallen in love with our fur babies and has been treating them like their own which is a huge relief. We went over to visit a few days ago. I was having a hard time and ended bursting into tears as soon as she opened the door. Instead of thinking (this chick is nuts) she gave me a hug and told me it was okay. She listened to me. She encouraged me. She got me laughing. She is amazing. God put her in my path because he knew I needed someone like her as a friend. Im glad we will live in the same neighborhood so that we can be close friends. We went to our new ward (church group) and were welcomed with HUGE open arms. Everyone was so kind and friendly. Noah was swarmed by young men welcoming him and taking him to Sunday School class. He then had his 1st activity at the indoor trampoline place yesterday and LOVED it. He had the best time and came home telling me all about it. It totally melted my heart to see young kids being so kind and friendly to my son. We seriously made the best decision to move back here.
Anyway, those are my 5 areas of focus and thoughts on them! I know it will be a constant work in progress with all of these but at least I have a plan in place and an idea of what I need to work on.
What is this blog for?
I decided when we first found out that dh was deploying that I wanted to write a blog or keep a journal so that I could find a release for my thoughts and feelings, so that I could see my weaknesses and my strengths, I could measure my growth as a wife, mother, and daughter of God, and so that I can share my thoughts and feelings with dh and he can get a feel for how deployment was on this end of the Army.
I will post LDS scriptures, quotoes, facebook thoughts and ideas from friends and family, and also make journal entries of how my days have been going and what I am working on or struggling with. I will also be posting my strengths and my progress as well.
This blog is mainly to help me through this deployment. I hope that it will also help others but I invite everyone who has been in this similar situation to comment. All comments can help and uplift others in similar situations. I do ask that we keep this positive. With that I just mean all comments need to be respectful. You can post about things being hard but beating others down on comments will not be tolerated.
I hope that this blog serves as a reminder that we can conquer anything we put our minds to and even when we feel we just not quite measure up, my hope is to come here and find a quote, scripture, comment, or blog entry that will remind me that I CAN DO HARD THING!
I will post LDS scriptures, quotoes, facebook thoughts and ideas from friends and family, and also make journal entries of how my days have been going and what I am working on or struggling with. I will also be posting my strengths and my progress as well.
This blog is mainly to help me through this deployment. I hope that it will also help others but I invite everyone who has been in this similar situation to comment. All comments can help and uplift others in similar situations. I do ask that we keep this positive. With that I just mean all comments need to be respectful. You can post about things being hard but beating others down on comments will not be tolerated.
I hope that this blog serves as a reminder that we can conquer anything we put our minds to and even when we feel we just not quite measure up, my hope is to come here and find a quote, scripture, comment, or blog entry that will remind me that I CAN DO HARD THING!
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